Redneck Computer Terms

LOG ON                : Makin’ a woodstove hot.
LOG OFF               : Don’t add no more wood.
MONITOR             : Keepin’ an eye on the wood stove.
DOWNLOAD        : Gittin’ the farwood off the truck.
MEGA HERTZ       : When you’re not keerfull gittin’ the farwood.
FLOPPY DISC       : Whutcha git from trying to tote too much farwood.
RAM                       : That thar thing whut splits the farwood.
HARD DRIVE        : Gittin’ home in the winter time.
WINDOWS           : Whut to shut when it’s cold outside.
SCREEN                : Whut to shut when it’s black fly season.
BYTE                     : Whut them dang flys do.
CHIP                      : Munchies fer the TV.
MICRO CHIP        : Whut’s in the bottom of the munchie bag.
MODEM                : Whutcha do to the hay fields.
DOT MATRIX       : Old Dan Matrix’s wife.
LAP TOP               : Whar the kitty sleeps.
KEYBOARD         : Whar you hang the dang truck keys.
SOFTWARE         : Them dang plastic forks and knifes.
MOUSE                : Whut eats the grain in the barn.
MOUSE PAD       : That’s hippie talk fer the mouse hole.
MAINFRAME      : Holds up the barn roof.
PORT                    : Fancy Flatlander wine.
ENTER                  : Northerner talk fer, “C’mon in, y’all.”
CLICK                  : Whut you hear when you cock your gun.
DOUBLE CLICK  : When the dang gun don’t far when you pull the trigger.
REBOOT               : Whut you have to do at bedtime when you forgot the kitty’s still outside.